Widow Sues Monson for Harassment

A Salt Lake City woman filed a civil suit against LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson for harassment. Martha Anderson, 72, complained in papers filed in Municipal Court, that Monson has engaged in a pattern of stalking and harassment over the last two years.

“I had just moved into the neighborhood,” Anderson recounts, “and word must have gotten out that I’m a recent widow. One day a portly, elderly man appeared on my doorstep and told me he’d noticed my parakeets. Now, mind you, my parakeets are in a room facing the back yard, so immediately I wondered how this man knew about the parakeets? Had he been watching me? For how long?”

Monson, the suit alleges, offered to care for the parakeets upon Mrs. Anderson’s death. “I’ve been in the neighborhood two days, and he starts speaking ominously about my impending death. What was I supposed to make of that?” she said, shuddering slightly at the thought. “I told him to get off my property, or I’d call the police.”

Anderson thought that would be the end of it, but it was just the beginning. “I’d come home from work, and he’d be mowing my lawn or bringing me flowers. Once he brought about 25 kids over to paint the house. They didn’t ask, and they did a crappy job. And I hate blue.”

“Then I started getting phone calls from people who had heard Mr. Monson bragging about his service to me from the pulpit. He didn’t even get my name right: It’s Martha, not Marian.”

Eventually, a frustrated Mrs. Anderson phoned church headquarters to complain about the harassment. “The secretaries just gushed about his kindly service and said I should feel really blessed to have attracted his attention. No one took me seriously until I got a restraining order.”

Despite the restraining order, the harassment continued: “Cookies and casseroles kept coming. He replanted my flower beds three times. He even went after my grandson. Brandon was pretty shaken up by the experience. He said that this creepy man had jumped out from behind my apple tree and tried to shove a train set into his hands. He told me he thought he was being abducted.”

Salt Lake City police refused to enforce the restraining order. “Why would anyone refuse the personal ministry of a prophet of God?” asked an incredulous Sergeant Bob Jensen. “She should feel honored.”

Monson’s office issued a terse statement: “President Monson is widely known to have maintained a quiet personal ministry to the sick, the afflicted, and the widowed. We are saddened that anyone might take offense at his unselfish and Christlike service.”

As she filed the suit this morning, Mrs. Anderson was firm and unapologetic. “I had hoped it wouldn’t go this far, but someone has to put a stop to it. Think of all the defenseless widows who have suffered in silence from this insidious stalking. It’s time to break the cycle.”

Letter from an Apologist

I received this email from a well-known apologist:

You and I have known each other for many years. I believe we met on alt.religion.mormon roughly 13 years ago, and although we find ourselves on opposite sides of the Mormon divide we have remained friendly, speaking for myself. I have on occasion been very harsh with you, among others, in defending what I considered the truth. Of late I’ve realised that the foundations on which I based my faith and from which I judged you and others may not be as solid as they once seemed.

As some have mentioned, I made a decision long ago to adopt a fairly caustic persona online, and it served me well in puncturing the self-important among “critics,” but I often wonder if that persona has clouded my judgment and hindered my ability to make sound judgments about my religion. I took it upon myself not so much to defend our religion but to attack and delegitimise the anti-Mormons; you must admit that many of them deserve to be deligitimised. In my labours to defend the church, I became someone I did not recognise: a bitter and angry person full of the bluster and rancor I so derided in others. As Dr. #### can tell you, I’m a friendly person in person, but I fear that my online persona is encroaching into my life.

I find myself at a crossroads. It has become all too painfully clear that the Book of Mormon cannot be defended as history, and I am reluctant to accept it as “inspired fiction.” All these years I’ve vouched for Joseph Smith’s character and called those who criticised him “bigots” who are filled with hate. As I grow older, I see those traits in myself, and I wonder how I allowed this to happen. Discovering Joseph’s character by turns has been enlightening and crushing.

There is a part of me which wants to publicly own up to what I know, but I am at a loss as to how to do so. So much of who I am is tied to this persona I have created, and it would be most difficult to make a sudden turn. A friend suggested that I retire ####### and return with a new screen name, but I am quite sure the moderators would recognise me. At this point I see no choice but to continue as a defender. I have been told that my abrasive and “mean-spirited” (I don’t believe I ever reached that level, do you?) persona has driven many struggling members out of the church. If that is true, I may be able to help others avoid my situation by helping them see the issues more clearly.

[deleted personal correspondence]

Again I must apologise for treating you badly on occasion. I hope you can forgive me.

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