Top Ten Reasons Monson Is Better than Hinckley

10. You may get empty platitudes, but at least they sound vaguely poetic.
9. Someone had to stand up against improperly chilled milk.
8. Anyone who goes mano a mano with the Stasi has to be pretty tough.
7. All those widows can’t be wrong about him.
6. “I don’t know that we teach it” replaced by cute stories of Little Tommy and his train set.
5. If he can stand firm against reason and science, so can I.
4. Tough call, but I prefer Monson’s kindergarten sing-song voice to Hinckley’s homespun droning.
3. It’s high time pigeon-raising got the respect it deserves, damn it!
2. Who’s more spiritual: newspaper executive or PR flack? No contest.
1. I for one can never get enough of Monson’s humble self-congratulation.

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