There might be something wrong with your religion if …

You think it’s perfectly fine for your leader to have sex with teenagers and married women, but you tell your children you’d rather they be dead than lose their virginity.

“Singles Ward” is good, but “Schindler’s List” is inappropriate due to its “R” rating.

Everyone in your church was “saved for the last days,” but everyone else just happened to be born in really wicked times.

You make fun of the pope’s funny hat but think nothing about sacred underwear.

You let some old geezer touch your naked body with oil and water, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a two-piece bathing suit.

You are proud of your self-restraint in not doing things you like (such as masturbate) and your fortitude in forcing yourself to do things you don’t like (such as going to meetings).

You get angry about lying politicians, but you are careful to give investigators “milk before meat,” lest they be driven away by too much information.

Intellectuals are regularly mocked from the pulpit, while apologists are held up for their academic degrees, which usually have nothing to do with apologetics.

To suggest that women get an education and have a career is to deny their God-given role, while criticizing polygamy is anti-feminist.

You love funeral potatoes, fried scones, and ice cream, but you disdain coffee drinkers for being unhealthy.

You feel uplifted by your own church’s testimony meetings, but other people’s expressions of religious fervor are creepy.

Convert baptisms are a sign that the religion is growing, but declining growth is a sign of the great “sifting.”

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20 Responses to There might be something wrong with your religion if …

  1. chriscarrollsmith says:

    very funny. :-)

  2. quantumsaint says:

    I think I’ve seen this somewhere before. hahaha.

    AI

  3. ditchu says:

    This is not funny in a laughable sense. You are wrong in many assumptions placed in this list. Also you seem to label good to be bad.

    “Isa. 5: 20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”

  4. runtu says:

    Yes, I admit it. I’m mired in darkness and hate the light. ;)

  5. ditchu says:

    glad you know it.

  6. runtu says:

    Who says Mormons don’t have a sense of humor?

  7. runtu says:

    Just out of curiosity, what bad things have I called good, and what “assumptions” have I made that are wrong? I would really like to know.

  8. Whose to say Mormonism is the light ditchu?

  9. runtu says:

    Hey, brooks, I’ve tried emailing you, but it keeps bouncing back as undeliverable.

  10. weird let me email you again and see what happens.

  11. ditchu says:

    runtu-
    Here are a list of assumptions you have made that are incorrect:

    “You think it’s perfectly fine for your leader to have sex with teenagers and married women, but you tell your children you’d rather they be dead than lose their virginity.” What leaders are you refering to?

    (“Singles Ward” is good, but “Schindler’s List” is inappropriate due to its “R” rating.) This is sad but I still allow films of merit into my home no matter the rating. But most R rated movies are not worth the celuloid they were printed on.

    “Everyone in your church was “saved for the last days,” but everyone else just happened to be born in really wicked times.” This contradiction does not exist in the doctern of the church. The last days are wicked times.

    “You make fun of the pope’s funny hat but think nothing about sacred underwear.” It is in poor taste that people make fun of the clothing of others, wether it be “Mormon,” Catholic, or Celt… It is not due to the church that people fun at others, it is due to their feelings of their own insignficance.

    “You let some old geezer touch your naked body with oil and water, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a two-piece bathing suit.”
    when has an old geezer touch your naked body with oil and water?

    “Intellectuals are regularly mocked from the pulpit, while apologists are held up for their academic degrees, which usually have nothing to do with apologetics.” You can make any apologies you want.

    “To suggest that women get an education and have a career is to deny their God-given role, while criticizing polygamy is anti-feminist.”
    The church has supported and mantians that it is good for women to get an education, if they choose to work outside the home they are not looked down upon.

    “You love funeral potatoes, fried scones, and ice cream, but you disdain coffee drinkers for being unhealthy.”
    It’s not a health issue, it’s an obedience issue.

    “You feel uplifted by your own church’s testimony meetings, but other people’s expressions of religious fervor are creepy.”
    Who claims other religions are creepy?

    Here is one statment you made that mostly calls good evil and evil good:

    “You are proud of your self-restraint in not doing things you like (such as masturbate) and your fortitude in forcing yourself to do things you don’t like (such as going to meetings).”

    brooksrobinson-
    you asked me: “Whose to say Mormonism is the light ditchu?”
    I have not made this statment. I like to leave such disicions up to the indivisual. If you asked me however what I consider is “the Light” My answer is Jesus Christ his Gospel.

  12. SillyNut says:

    Runtu,

    You’re just brilliant.

  13. ht says:

    Finally a good link off of grace to grace….I am so glad I came to your page….I love your blog! great stuff with actual backing!

  14. runtu says:

    All right. I think I’ll take these one at a time. Why I need to provide backing for widely known stuff is beyond me, though.

  15. ditchu says:

    ht said “great stuff with actual backing!” so I asked him: “what backing??”
    I did not see any provided. Just pointing it out.

  16. ditchu says:

    ” widely known stuff” ???
    like popcorn?
    everyone knowes about popcorn right?

  17. Kita Kazoo says:

    It is so amazing to me that I couldn’t see these things when I was a “member” and now it is so clear how mislead and snookered I allowed myself to be. It’s down right embarrassing to admit that. I am so glad that I didn’t waste my whole life being bled for a false God.

  18. Dr. Lowrey says:

    Well, some of the things, such as the oil and water happen in the temple, where the geezer is “supposedly” traditionally of the same gender, but historically might not have actually been and while in some of the over 300 versions of Mormonism might be same gender now, in some may also not be. (many mainstream Mormons don’t realize that branches of Mormonism also have temples or practice one of the many versions or personal interpretations of temple ordinances with or without a temple itself and make the same claims to “authority” as the mainstream group does)

    While in the (largest) Mormon group, leaders (if you follow the news) (here is a good archive of such news http://www.rickross.com/groups/mormon.html) do often have sexual relations with teens, etc. they are often not reported to the government or the main church because the victim is encouraged to let the local church authorities “handle it” and then nothing is done at all, except the victim is made to feel like they have sinned because they distracted the leader from their spirituality. The victim actually is represented as having been a tool of the devil to make the leader look bad.

    In smaller Mormon groups (AUB is over 60,000, FLDS 100,000 +) where polygamy is practiced, the statement in the original post is quite accurate since leaders (and others) do marry teenagers and “trial” marriage is very common, though not called by that name and often is more teenage girls passing themselves around different families till they find one they can accept rather than the other way around, while “unmarried” sex is extremely prohibited publicly, though family sex abuse is rampant throughout.

    Actually, Utah routinely ranks as high as #1 in the USA for child sex abuse, spouse abuse, etc. and when not #1, is still often in the top 10, so it is not just “fundamentalist” Mormons who behave this way – and then deny it.

    Any amount of violence and gore is perfectly fine in a film as long as the rating is less than “R”, and as long as sex and nudity are referenced as “some” or “brief” they might be acceptable as long as they are not “R” rated or have a racy cover.

    I think that if you live in Utah, this list is very obviously right on target, though it sounds as if the author had some “fundamentalist” Mormon background, but – the fundamentalists are just a slightly more severe version of the “typical” [reformed] Mormon church and most feel they are doing no more than maintaining the orthodoxy in Mormonism by keeping the “old ways” (and attitudes) of the church rather than the reformed version favored by the mainstream church.

    Mormonism has a very different face in Utah than elsewhere (unless the “elsewhere Mormons” are originally from Utah) due to the heritage of Utah Pioneer thinking that pits desert issues of personal survival and severely anti-American philosophies against the personal sacrifice and service teachings of Jesus that Mormonism claims to exclusively represent “authoritatively”.

    In spite of the extreme contrast, in Utah it seems to go un-noticed by people who were raised in Utah, whether they are Mormon or not.

    When you add the facts that Utah is #1 in the USA for mental illness, prescription drug use, antidepressant use (over 65% of the adult population), per capita alcoholism, 6 times the next highest state rate of bankruptcy, the fraud capital of the USA, and many other similar #1′s it should not be so surprising to find such absurd ideas receiving broad social acceptance and often aggressive support, community and government tolerance.

  19. [...] There might be something wrong with your religion if … [...]

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