You think it’s perfectly fine for your leader to have sex with teenagers and married women, but you tell your children you’d rather they be dead than lose their virginity.
“Singles Ward” is good, but “Schindler’s List” is inappropriate due to its “R” rating.
Everyone in your church was “saved for the last days,” but everyone else just happened to be born in really wicked times.
You make fun of the pope’s funny hat but think nothing about sacred underwear.
You let some old geezer touch your naked body with oil and water, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a two-piece bathing suit.
You are proud of your self-restraint in not doing things you like (such as masturbate) and your fortitude in forcing yourself to do things you don’t like (such as going to meetings).
You get angry about lying politicians, but you are careful to give investigators “milk before meat,” lest they be driven away by too much information.
Intellectuals are regularly mocked from the pulpit, while apologists are held up for their academic degrees, which usually have nothing to do with apologetics.
To suggest that women get an education and have a career is to deny their God-given role, while criticizing polygamy is anti-feminist.
You love funeral potatoes, fried scones, and ice cream, but you disdain coffee drinkers for being unhealthy.
You feel uplifted by your own church’s testimony meetings, but other people’s expressions of religious fervor are creepy.
Convert baptisms are a sign that the religion is growing, but declining growth is a sign of the great “sifting.”