The company that brought you LDSremindercalls.com has announced a follow-up service called LDSGuiltCalls.com. This service will help ensure better results the next time you send out a reminder call. The service is simple: After you have sent out your reminders, simply keep track of who didn’t fulfill their assignment. Then you can select the names from list, and the service will automatically send the guilt reminder of your choice.
Temple trip: Hello, this is Brother Smith. I note with some sadness that someone in the spirit world who has waited hundreds of years for their temple ordinances will have to wait even longer because you couldn’t be troubled to attend our ward’s temple night. I’m sure you were doing something much more worthwhile, such as watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” I hope you can live with your conscience until the next temple night. We pray for you.
Chapel cleaning: Hello, this is Brother Packard, reminding you that once again, a small group of people had to spend long hours cleaning up cheerios and baby vomit from the chapel. We could have used your help, but I’m sure you felt justified in doing whatever it was you were doing. The next time you sit on a clean bench or change your baby’s diaper in a sanitary restroom, remember that others put their shoulder to the wheel so that you didn’t have to.
Enrichment night: We had a glorious enrichment night that could only have been richer had we been graced by your presence. Sister Johanssen spent a lot of time preparing her workshop on tole painting Easter trivets, but unfortunately your life will never be blessed by her efforts. Instead, a small group of the faithful gathered together and were uplifted. We look forward to seeing you next month, unless of course you intend to disappoint the Savior once again. With love, your sisters in Zion.
Calls can also be personalized for specific needs, such as the following:
Hello, Brother Charles. This is the bishop checking in on your masturbation problem. If you had a masturbation-free day, press 1. If you masturbated, press 2 and leave a detailed message describing how, where, and when you masturbated.
Satisfied customers rave about the results they’ve achieved:
“Attendance at our temple night is way up,” enthuses Brad Call of Moorpark, California. “One brother came up to me and said, ‘I’ll do anything you want. Just stop the calls. Please, I’m begging you!’ I couldn’t be more pleased.”
Bishop R. Craig Oats of Friendswood, Texas, agrees: “This system has really helped us in ‘raising the bar’ for missionary service. These guilt calls have reduced prospective missionary ‘moral issues’ by more than 38%. Thank you, LDSGuiltCalls!”
Rates are the same as those of LDSReminderCalls, with discounts for large orders.