You’re So Vain

I have a unibrow. I hate it. What I mean is that I have thick, dark eyebrows, and they meet in the middle over my nose. Back in my college days, my roommate (a fellow unibrower) used to shave that middle spot so as to have two defined eyebrows. I thought that was showing signs of too much vanity, so I suffered in silence.

Then I got married.

Right from the start, my wife has always been annoyed by the unibrow, as well as the unruly, curly strands that refuse to line up with the rest of the brow. Consequently, my wife has for 21 years accosted me at random moments, tweezers in hand, because things are getting out of hand.

Yesterday I went home, and my wife asked me to take my youngest son in for a haircut. “Be sure you go to the one over by ShopKo.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because they have a sign in the window that says you can get your eyebrows waxed for $7.”

“I can’t imagine ever going in and getting my eyebrows waxed,” I protested. “It just seems a bit much.”

She looked at me kind of funny and said, “Would you rather just get it over with in five minutes, or have me pulling the hairs out one by one?”

She had a point. So, we went to the hair salon, and after my son had his haircut, I leaned back in chair with my feet on a small stool.

My daughter told the stylist, “Just make it look neat, not fruity looking.”

“I’m just warning you, but this is going to hurt,” said the young woman, as she applied warm wax in between the brows. She then pressed a gauze-like pad into the wax, held it for just a moment, and then said, “Ready?”

It didn’t hurt much, certainly not as much as my wife’s random tweezing. “My husband tried this once, but he won’t do it again because he said it hurt too much,” she continued, applying more wax above the left brow.

“Do you do this for a lot of guys?” I asked, still feeling kind of ridiculous.

“Some,” she said. “It’s mostly women, but we have a few regulars. One guy comes in every two weeks.”

She waxed above and below each eyebrow, and a few minutes later, I was back in the car with my newly styled brows.

I thought how our ancestors would have felt about a man getting his eyebrows styled. I suspect they would have thought me quite foppish and vain. Heck, I think even my dad would be appalled.

Oh, well. At least it will be a few weeks before the unibrow returns. Maybe I’ll get it waxed again.


9 Responses to You’re So Vain

  1. lol. I have a bit of a unibrow. I shave the middle.

  2. zackc says:

    LOL. See this is why Runtu’s blog rules and mine doesn’t. He has more funny anecdotes and life episodes every week than I have in a year.

    Also I have no unibrow. My eyebrows are almost invisible they’re soo blonde and thin. Actually they’re one of my favorite physical features. Whatever else, I got that unibrow issue covered.

  3. K*tty says:

    If we are taking a vote, I am with your wife. Have it waxed. Consider it a precursor for other unwanted hair as you grow older.

    I also appreciate the lighter side of your life episodes.

  4. OutontheFarm says:

    It’s nice to know you’re secure in your manhood. How loud did you scream?

  5. Mina says:

    I never would have guessed, runtu! You seemed so…evolved! And all that time you were Cro-Magnon Man!

  6. Hey, if it makes your wife happy, go for it. LOL

    My husband has a unibrow, too. He plucks. What was funny, though, was that when we were engaged, we were playing a game at a friend’s party where they were asking these random questions. One was,” if you use eyebrow tweasers at least once a week, eat an M&M”. My husband ate an M&M and I didn’t. I had never plucked my eyebrows. LOL I never had a need to because they were always decently shaped. He was so jealous.

  7. I pluck my unibrow. I have to. When my eyebrows unite their powers, it frightens my hairline and causes it to retreat.

  8. Stephanie says:

    My husband gets his brows “threaded.” I’m not exactly sure what this entails, as I have never seen it done. It’s an Indian technique. We live in an area with a very large Indian population. (When I say Indian, I mean from India. Some people get confused.) It’s a fine balance between neat and fruity,

  9. Diane says:

    I’ve always tweezed my eyebrows, but I really should get them waxed. It would be a lot less hassle for me than to check the mirror every couple of days with tweezers in hand, trying to get that last stubborn hair.

    I do get my bikini line waxed, and that doesn’t hurt anywhere near as much as it sounds.

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