I have a unibrow. I hate it. What I mean is that I have thick, dark eyebrows, and they meet in the middle over my nose. Back in my college days, my roommate (a fellow unibrower) used to shave that middle spot so as to have two defined eyebrows. I thought that was showing signs of too much vanity, so I suffered in silence.
Then I got married.
Right from the start, my wife has always been annoyed by the unibrow, as well as the unruly, curly strands that refuse to line up with the rest of the brow. Consequently, my wife has for 21 years accosted me at random moments, tweezers in hand, because things are getting out of hand.
Yesterday I went home, and my wife asked me to take my youngest son in for a haircut. “Be sure you go to the one over by ShopKo.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because they have a sign in the window that says you can get your eyebrows waxed for $7.”
“I can’t imagine ever going in and getting my eyebrows waxed,” I protested. “It just seems a bit much.”
She looked at me kind of funny and said, “Would you rather just get it over with in five minutes, or have me pulling the hairs out one by one?”
She had a point. So, we went to the hair salon, and after my son had his haircut, I leaned back in chair with my feet on a small stool.
My daughter told the stylist, “Just make it look neat, not fruity looking.”
“I’m just warning you, but this is going to hurt,” said the young woman, as she applied warm wax in between the brows. She then pressed a gauze-like pad into the wax, held it for just a moment, and then said, “Ready?”
It didn’t hurt much, certainly not as much as my wife’s random tweezing. “My husband tried this once, but he won’t do it again because he said it hurt too much,” she continued, applying more wax above the left brow.
“Do you do this for a lot of guys?” I asked, still feeling kind of ridiculous.
“Some,” she said. “It’s mostly women, but we have a few regulars. One guy comes in every two weeks.”
She waxed above and below each eyebrow, and a few minutes later, I was back in the car with my newly styled brows.
I thought how our ancestors would have felt about a man getting his eyebrows styled. I suspect they would have thought me quite foppish and vain. Heck, I think even my dad would be appalled.
Oh, well. At least it will be a few weeks before the unibrow returns. Maybe I’ll get it waxed again.