10. Drunk? No, I’m not drunk.
9. It probably wasn’t a good idea to schedule this in the same hotel as the Packer family reunion.
8. Why is that man writing down license plate numbers?
7. I think I’ll pass on the green jello salad shooters.
6. No, that’s not Church security. That’s Nom de Cypher.
5. Of course my life is better since I left the church. Just ask my ex-wife!
4. Relax, everyone. It’s just the Geek Squad.
3. No, she doesn’t literally give big green hugs.
2. Now I’m drunk.
1. The “S” stands for Spencer, and yes, there were 87 widows in my ward. You’re not recording this, are you?