I’ve decided to see my therapist again. I’m not very good at conflict resolution, and I certainly have self-esteem issues. But I’m surviving.

When I went to see her before, she stressed that I needed to express myself openly and confidently, or I would end up depressed and miserable. I haven’t really learned to talk about troubling issues with people who are important to me, so I’ve too often just gone along to get along. I think that attitude was slowly crushing the life out of me.

This blog has been kind of an escape hatch where I could express what I was feeling and thinking. I could be as blunt as I wanted, and it was OK. What I’m learning is that the rest of my life needs to be like that, too. I need to stop worrying about what people think of me and just do and say what I think is right. I don’t think that’s too much to ask from someone.

I’ve been more open in my personal relationships recently, and it feels good, even though it has led to some heated moments and some other moments of despair. Somewhere inside of me are opinions and feelings that need to be expressed. So far, so good.


5 Responses to Therapy

  1. aerin says:

    Glad to hear it Runtu!

    As far as conflict resolution goes, I wanted to point out that some conflicts can’t be resolved. I know it’s something that I struggle with, and many people struggle with in general. That’s why I bristle a little at the term…

    Sometimes there are no “right” or easy answers. For me, one of the things I found valuable was figuring out how to maintain (or not maintain) relationships despite conflict. It’s difficult to reach this point, if you’ve learned (like I did) to suppress conflict – especially when it had to do with what I wanted or needed. (ever see someone walked out when they didn’t sustain the leadership in sm?)

    With that said, I don’t know that a person should listen solely to their own gut – I think that it’s an important part of the process. There are a lot of people in our lives (including therapists) who may give good and important feedback that needs to be acknowledged. Doesn’t mean that they’re right, doesn’t mean that you can’t question them more on “when you said x, what did you mean?” (Just wanted to clarify the idea that only listening to your own inner voice works, because sometimes those around us, who care about us have important observations that we might not be aware of).

  2. jill says:

    It is easier to write it than it is to say it and then deal immediately with the expression the faces of those around you. Sometimes just saying it is risky enough, dealing with the aftermath is sometimes more difficult than it is to “stuff stuff” and captitulate for surface serenity.

    A peer’s suicide is always emotionally disturbing too. I wish you great strides in personal growth, and internal peace as well.

  3. Tim says:

    I think this blog should be telling you that people like hearing the stuff that comes out of the escape hatch. So, they’ll probably like hearing it come out the main entrance.

  4. Simian says:


    Hang in there. Your writing has been something I’ve relied on for a long time now. I’ve restarted a blog now and intend on trying, as you have, to work out some of these deep seated issues I have. The disappointment and hurt that leaving the church brings to both the individual and everyone else involved is unreal at times.

    Anyhow, feel free to check me out at now. Formerly Simeon’s Peepstone. Keep up the great work.

  5. runtu says:

    Hey, Simeon/Simian,

    I’ll check it out. It’s good to hear from you after so long. I know you went through a horrible stretch, and I hope things are better for you. Give my regards to your brother.

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