Top Ten Ways to Celebrate a Mormon Easter

10. Egg-shaped green jello shots.
9. Re-enact “Nephite Easter” by turning off all the lights in the house and filling it with “mists of darkness” for three days.
8. Tell the Primary kids they can have an Easter Egg hunt after they finish cleaning the meetinghouse.
7. Accessorize conservative suits with ties in festive pastel colors.
6. Watch “Easter Parade” on your smart phone during the Primary program.
5. Hug an illegal immigrant.
4. Keep the priesthood out of the kitchen.
3. Color Easter “runtus.”
2. Enjoy your ham dinner knowing that somewhere a missionary is eating Top Ramen.
1. Ferret out one “closet apostate” to help purify the ward.


2 Responses to Top Ten Ways to Celebrate a Mormon Easter

  1. Diane Sower says:

    How about I celebrate Easter like the apostate protestant universalist I’ve become and go out for breakfast after church. That’s the norm for protestants. Go out to eat after church every week. Stay out of the kitchen. Catch a movie in the afternoon.

  2. I’m celebrating Easter by taking in the matinee at Salt Lake Acting Company–which is performed right in the middle of our ward’s 3 hour block.

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