Why I Was Angry with God

I grew up believing that God told you what was true through his Holy Spirit, and you felt that spirit through feelings and emotions. When I was a missionary, we taught people that when they felt a peaceful, warm, or good feeling, that was the Holy Ghost testifying that what we were teaching was true. Apostle Henry Eyring says much the same thing when he teaches about how to recognize the spirit:

You have felt the quiet confirmation in your heart and mind that something was true. And you knew that it was inspiration from God. For some of you it may have come as the missionaries taught you before your baptism. It may have come during a talk, lesson, or hymn in church. The Holy Ghost is the Spirit of Truth. You feel peace, hope, and joy when He speaks to your heart and mind that something is true. Almost always I have also felt a sensation of light. Any feeling I may have had of darkness is dispelled, and my desire to do right grows.

This worked for me for a long time until I discovered that some of the things the spirit had testified of just weren’t true. And some of those things were morally wrong. I wondered why God would testify of such things, and I concluded that he must not exist, or must not care about me at all. I still believe in God, but it has taken time to get over the hurt and anger I felt toward Him.

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2 Responses to Why I Was Angry with God

  1. tisatruth says:

    I think we stay angry with God until we realize we are still believing in someone else’s definition of God. The healing can begin when we start to form our own definition of God based on our own experiences and understanding. Some people ultimately define God out of their lives completely and I totally understand that. For myself, I cannot. I don’t now why – I have had no confirmation that he/she exists. But something in my heart will not let me let go of the idea of God so I accept that for me to be whole I need to continue to explore what God is, what he/she means to me and how I relate to him/her.

  2. jeanikins says:

    It was so easy for me to let go of God. I had believed in him for 63 years; he was my best friend and I thought I was his. I know it sounds arrogant but it seemed as though he always came through for me. This is confirmation bias – I simply didn’t focus on the times when he didn’t, until our mission and post mission. God gets all the credit when any tiny thing goes the way we want it, but when things go wrong, he doesn’t take the blame.

    Redefining god is always a good thing. What and who is it to you? Comfort? Go for it. I have ‘worked out’ for myself that I am the god of my own life; I choose and I take the blame or the credit for what I do. I have amazing power; most of it untapped. I have talent and creativity. I love people so much and would never, ever put any of my children through what the Judaic god, the Christian god or the Mormon god would unashamedly put his children through. That god for me does not exist, he is not worthy to be called Father. Why doesn’t he make things clearer? Why does he ask so much of his children? Why doesn’t he help us more. I read recently in a blog or post how god says he is sending his kids to the earth for a test; a huge test and then takes away any memory that would help us to pass it.

    I do not like Him Sam I am.

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