Surprises in Romney’s Acceptance Speech

Thanks to my insider status, I’ve been given an advance copy of Romney’s acceptance speech, and it contains some interesting stuff;

10. Romney’s speech will be preceded by a youth speaker and a “rest hymn.”
9. First lines: “I’ve been asked to speak tonight about presidents. The dictionary defines the word “president” as …
8. In a Romney administration, “hearts will be gladdened, spirits will be lifted, and taxes will be lowered.”
7. Romney reminisces about telling Boyd K. Packer about that time he punched his companion.
6. A reference to Joe Biden as “Master Mahan” has been edited out in the final version.
5. To help Romney feel more comfortable at the podium, 15 decrepit old men will be seated (and sleeping) in large, red wingback chairs on the stage behind him.
4. Part of the speech was written by Bill Hamblin, who contributed the witty acrostic, “Obama is a wanker.”
3. The nomination will not be official until the delegates “indicate by the usual sign.”
2. No mention will be made of specific budget and tax proposals, as these items were outlined on a missing section of the speech that may have been up to 41 feet long, according to Dr. John Gee.
1. The speech will be given by an animatronic robot while Romney stays at home to watch the BYU football game. No one will notice.

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5 Responses to Surprises in Romney’s Acceptance Speech

  1. Lorraine says:

    ‘The dictionary defines president as. . . .’ Too funny. Do they still do that.

    Funny post!

  2. Goldarn says:

    “Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster’s dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one’s garden.” — Homer Simpson

  3. Donna says:

    Wish I’d seen this post earlier. I wouldn’t have needed to watch. 😉

  4. […] no week would be complete without discussion of (and making fun of) Mitt […]

  5. Lauriston Y. says:

    This has been really a funny video, it’s disgusting. What’s a jokes watching video. ….

    By the way, I have been writing a book named: Les Mensonges de L’Histoire” in French, it’s about my complaints about my experiences from the Mormonism and its hidden history to world. Every one who could be interested about knowing the true face of the Mormonism should have to go head and get shopping it. It on sale on http://www.unibook.com or on http://www.thebookedition.com.

    Some others books are on sale also to the sites mentioned below: having for titles: Barack Obama &Joseph Michel Martelly sont-ils desvisionnaires progressites?*essays critics, Le Président &le kidnapping *novels historic, La Republique de Port-au-Prince *novels historic. On sale also on http://www.unibook.com, http://www.thebookedition.com

    http://ylauriston2.blogspot.com /
    http://ylauriston.blogspot.com

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