According to blogger DenverSnuffer, apostle Russell Nelson has told several stake presidents that there will be a major revelation announced at general conference next week. As the blogger put it, “President Thomas M. Monson has received a revelation that will affect every man, woman, and child in the church.”
If true, this could be big news. Of course, rumors of new revelations crop up every few conferences, and nothing much happens. That said, at the request of a good friend, I have inquired of my sources and have been given a list of recent revelations. Perhaps one of these may be announced in conference:
10. And again, Fry Sauce is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is a blight on the land and to be used in the destruction of thine enemies with judgment and skill.
9. The righteous in Utah County will all be lifted up to heaven–both of them.
8. But this generation shall have my word through press releases from the Public Affairs department.
7. He may be a dodo, after all.
6. CTR rings to be replaced by LGS (Let’s go shopping!) rings, available exclusively at City Creek mall.
5. New Church Historian: Brandon Flowers.
4. The sun borrows its light from Dieter Uchtdorf’s tan.
3. The anti-Christ is a mild-mannered blogger who lives in Provo, Utah.
2. BYU really did lose last week because you tampered with your “little factory.”
1. God is voting for Obama.