I understand that some people are very upset about the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage in the United States. That said, I think some people are overreacting just a tad. I’ve heard people say the decision was the worst thing to happen in the United States, ever (no, I’m not making this up) or that it means the end of our civilization as we know it. But no one comes close to the hysteria of some people who say they are willing to set themselves on fire to protect the sanctity of marriage.
I think they should just chill out a little. It is not the end of the world. Other countries have legalized same-sex marriage without dire social consequences, plagues, or locusts. So, in the spirit of defusing some of the tension, I offer ten things potential self-immolaters to ponder so they can stop worrying and learn to love teh gayz:
10. When you see the rainbow flag, remember it’s a benign symbol of pride in one’s heritage, just like the Confederate Battle Flag.
9. Who would you rather hang out with: Megan Rapinoe, Ali Krieger, and Abby Wambach–or the Kardashian sisters?
8. When a heterosexual couple marries, you don’t automatically imagine them having sex, so stop doing it when gay couples marry.
7. Thousands of American couples will be getting a tax cut, and tax cuts are always good, right?
6. Bristol Palin is deliberately depriving another child of having a two-parent home, and no one is protesting her.
5. You’ll have even more opportunities to re-gift that fondue pot you got for your wedding.
4. Gay people have been marrying for a very long time, just not to each other.
3. It’s still illegal to marry your Cocker Spaniel.
2. Gay couples now have the same opportunity to become boring and domestic, just like everyone else.
1. The next time you hold your spouse’s hand, you can be sure that no one else’s marriage is going to weaken yours in any way.