Top Ten Reasons for the Shakeup at the Maxwell Institute

10. Gerald Bradford’s email is actually a cipher key used to decode secret messages from the Illuminati.
9. Bill Hamblin needed an excuse to tell apostates to “bugger off.”
8. One more review of “An Insider’s View,” and they’d have to give Grant Palmer a free Slurpee.
7. The Review of Books was beginning to make the MADB board look like a testimony meeting.
6. Lou Midgley has been unmasked as the elusive “Doctor Scratch.”
5. John Dehlin had his calling and election made sure.
4. Apparently, sacrificing babies to Moloch is frowned upon in some circles.
3. The “Internet Mormons” have finally defeated the “Chapel Mormons.”
2. An angel with a drawn sword appeared to President Samuelson.
1. My 5-year mission to infiltrate NAMIRS with closet apostates has succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.